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JEP online -- Investigators won't know until next week the cause of death of “Triangles “de la Vilehatchet, a foundation,slab and hedge fund adviser whose firm reportedly lost £95 million investing with a ‘shadow’ developer government guarantee bond whom he refused to reveal.
“Triangles” was outed at his first attempt of creating an online hemorrhagic investment fund where investors would be bilked out of £50 billion in a quasi-Ponsy scheme, a fraudulent structure that pays instant returns to investors 25% out of money paid by other investors rather than from profit. The outline scheme, seemingly engineered and tailored specifically to re-vamp the bathroom of his seale street appartment.
Recently, in an explosive and highly publicised coup, 13 discreetly armed Police, posing as customers of the now world famous seaton place hamburger shop laid seige to “Triangle’s” apartment. Unfortunately, a passing plumber, visiting the apartment with a quotation let slip of the covert Police operation. He was reported to have said to “Triangles” “What the f*ck is that bloody swat team doing downstairs?”
Emergency crews found “Triangles” body in his Apartment on thursday morning in what police have now called an apparent suicide. He worked for Online Inaccessible International Advisors PLC as a coffee moffey.
Pathologists conducted an autopsy immediately on the 75-year-old, but they are waiting for the results of toxicology tests before making a determination about the cause of death, said Ellen Borakova de Jesus, spokeswoman for the St Helier medical examiner's office. “The results should be available next month, right after I have read up on the Jackson case.”
“Triangles” suffered scratches made to his face, as well as slap marks to his wrist and also it appeared that he had been savaged with a rexel stapler.” St Helier Deputy assistant Police Commissioner Ray Mondo de Jesus said at an emergency news conference Thursday pm. He also told reporters pills were present, though it wasn't clear whether any were ingested, and he said there was no suicide note. The only clue aside from this which Police are taking seriously is a bloodstained horseshoe which apparently “Triangles” had been whipped round the face with.
Local witnesses have given statements saying that a man ran out of the apartment, wearing a giveaway bloodstained “fund dealer” striped shirt and galloped away on an apparently lame horse inthe direction of Bath street. Police have dismissed this as subversive and have temporarily jailed the witnesses. One of whom told me in confidence “It woz im wot dunnit!”.
“Triangles” was a loner, having recently applied for the top position on what is known as the Parade Gardens Parliamentary Bench and suffered rejection by two votes to one. Our readership is asked to pause for a moments thought for his potential victims.
GB UK PM Editor-in-Chief
